By Jade Emory
Oahu Island News, October 2001

Choosing a Mate

Many clients ask me to help them choose a romantic partner using astrology. A woman's masculine luminaries, Sun and Mars, show what she wants in a man. A man's feminine luminaries, Moon and Venus, show what he wants in a woman.

The "houses" of an astrological chart, determined by the exact time of birth, also contribute to romantic attractions. The 5th house governs romantic love, the 7th house rules marriage partnership, the 8th house rules shared resources and sexuality, the 9th house rules 2nd marriage, and the 11th house rules friendship, 3rd marriage and love received. Often the "vertex" falls in a relationship house. When it conjoins a partner's Sun or Ascendent, the connection is considered "karmic", or destined.

Several asteroids also affect romantic attractions, including Amor, Frigga, Sappho, Juno and Eros.

However, anyone who has experienced romantic attractions knows that the qualities that attract us don't necessarily sustain us. We may repeatedly be attracted to a certain physical type, rejecting all others. If we make appearances, status, or superficial personality attributes a priority over consciousness and character, we will suffer repeated dissappointments.

We must take responsibility for the shallow criteria upon which we based our choice of a partner. An ancient Chinese scripture explains it this way: "You can see the qualities in yourself that you consider important by the kind of people upon whom you bestow your care" ("I Ching" Hexagram 27).

The best way to find the ideal partner is to become the ideal partner. If we cultivate self-awareness, consciously facing and resolving our lower qualities and cultivating our more evolved qualities, then we can create the appropriate inner perspective from which to establish co-creative relationships with people who reflect our higher selves.

Astrology is one of the best ways to develop such self awareness. Through understanding one's own birth chart and the chart of a partner, one avoids such pitfalls as co-dependency and betrayal. But we must do our homework. There is no substitute for self-effort.

Intellectually understanding astrology isn't the same thing as as becoming empowered with that knowlege to make wise inner choices. The stars impel, but do not compel. If we indulge and tolerate lower attributes in ourselves, our relationships reflect those choices. And if we have the courage to work hard on self-mastery, we are much more likely to create respectful and fulfilling relationships.

Oahu Island News Contributing Editor Jade Emory holds degrees in psychology and education, has taught in American and Canadian universities and has been a counselor since 1970. She may be reached at 808-429-2411 or by email at

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